You can make me fall in love with you.

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You’ll see me on the train, in your morning class, or in the bay in office you have to cross to get to the coffee machine.

 

You’ll smile at me, till I smile back.

 

You’ll start looking at me more.

 

You’ll start looking at what I’m wearing. What time I come in. What time I step out for a smoke. What I smoke. When I don’t come in. When I come in late.

 

You’ll notice how I tug at my hair when I’m thinking.

 

You’ll try to talk to me. Find common conversation. Fetch topics you think I’d be interested in.

 

You’ll talk to me till I talk back. I’ll like it. I’ll like the attention. I’ll like that you remember all that I say. I’ll like that you’ll be listening.

 

I’ll start looking at you more.

 

I’ll smile at you every time I cross you. I’ll call you out for conversations. I’ll look for you when you’re not in.

 

I’ll think about where to go when you hesitantly ask me out to drinks. I’ll want to ask you myself. I probably won’t.

 

I’ll see you struggle with the right words when I know what to say. I’ll pretend to be nervous, too.

 

I’ll think of dinner conversations. I’ll want to keep you interested.

 

I’ll know it’s not long till the fire burns out. I’ll keep it flaming.

 

 

 

I know,

 

You can make me fall in love with you.

 

But can you wait till I want to.

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Wanderlust.

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travel.

that word is as subjective as paradoxically universal it seems, for some to travel doesn’t even cover crossing oceans, for some it’s as far as crossing borders, for the mildly ignorant and juvenile teenagers in this city it means covering a distance of 15 kilometers of the 36 this city is made of , in a car they call their own and visit whatever the seasonal ‘place to be’ is.
Surprisingly, all this doesn’t sound half as bad as i made it to be to the previously mentioned teenagers. And as hypocritical as it sounds, i was well acquainted with some.

She was one of them. Or atleast I thought she was.

When you live in the same city,the same house all your life, you build your own ecosystem. It has people you want to be close to, people who want to be close to you, the family that chose you, the family that you choose, a slight romantic congnizance and the like. You grow up to evolve as a person, but you are limited to your own ecosystem. No matter how ‘out of the box’ you perceive you are, how radical your concepts are, they are – as disappointing as it sounds – the by products of the ecosystem.Some of us outgrow our own safe place by changing cities,meeting new people, trying to change ourselves, some of us are comfortable with whatever we have around us,some of us don’t fit in either of those categories. And she was the latter.

Like a lot of us, she yearned for stability despite being moored, but she also wanted to break down her ecosystem,build small ones everywhere she went – going everywhere she wanted to. She didn’t agree to what Tolkien said ” how sad is that people believe that not all those who wander are lost, for what fun it is to wander if you don’t let yourself be a little lost ” which is ridiculously literal but liberating and she completed it with ” but how scary it is to risk losing yourself in the process “. And like a lot of us, she was a conflicted contradiction.

She didn’t think about how anchored she was, she didn’t think much about anything at all, She also didn’t live in the moment, more like drift through many. Until the day she got an escape she never knew she needed. She traveled across 2 oceans, built a life in another continent, with her past rather clenching on to her like a rugged rope choking her throat being cut with a blunt tool. After 425 days of a soothing pandemonium, she was ready to fit into a new ecosystem.

I’d call it fate if i didn’t know better, but just as she was feeling accustomed to the refurbished walls that now surrounded her, circumstances swayed her across another ocean, where building new walls hurt, because they drifted in closer, and they -for the first time -felt harsh.

As she tried harder to smoothen up to them, this time, while building up an emotional fortress , she was trapped in herself. While evolving in a lucid ecosystem, she lost her wanderlust.